so i dont noe what i want to say and you
clearly dont noe what you want to do but you
want to be with him and i dont want you to
but you insist so i stomp my feet and i protest and you
do it anyway.

it takes some time till i realize it's about time i get the fuck
over it yet when i do it makes me realize what a shit it has
truly been and i only want to drown in the 5.45am coldness of the
5.45am pool.

i try to say goodbye and i choke i try to walk away and i stumble
though i try to hide it's clear

fuck that fuck you fuck him

it's also truly sad that at 5.45am the only people i want to call are the
people who i dont get see in the majority of my life and the
family who i abandon every weekend at 12am.

so i just want to say that tomorrow i'll probably be better and thank
you for everything you've done and for being there and for
picking up and for even bothering because i haven't been man enough for
you to care so

good night.

i love typing out long entries and deleting them.

for all the shits thats been going down, im just very grateful.

i feel very bad for not updating.

not here but at guy's stuff.

i kinda lost the urge to write.

i still look at stuff everyday.

things are still "death".

it's amazing.

but other than that. so much has changed.

dynamics and all.

friendships. relationships.

it's all so wtf.

i miss you guys i wish you were back. thanks.

i also kinda miss 2005.

ancientttttttttt.